14 September 2014

I think U better leave rite now

Hi everyone. Summer is pretty much over so enjoy it whilst you can. Here are some things that are makin me cranky !!
dnt fuk w dis

  Boys 2 Boys

At the age of nearly 20 I'm still dealing with boys who can barely string a sentence together with girls. It makes me feel like a dyke who has to initiate everything whilst they giggle like ten year olds whove dun a fart at da dinner table!! Teehee!! The other day I went round to a kid who claimed to be 21 but looks wise was pushing 12. We rock up to what felt like the set of a horror film. One of the dudes opens the door. Litez- switched off. The other kiddiwinx proceeded to run upstairs chortling and gasping 4 breath. #newbalance. We thought we could've just been interacting with boys who were Halloween enthusiasts or just mildly autistic. Whatever, that’s cute I guess.

 However it just got worse.

Like escaped convicts we were thrown into this downstairs room where we sit enthralled by the silence and the smell of herbs (not talkin bout basil ;) ;). Several icebreakers were made; talk of pancetta, passing doobies pon de left hand side and Afrikaan rituals . The experience taught me that to be a good host you should eat a tray of hash brownies, prank call your guests to leave and then inbox them to seal the deal like an absolute gent. Xx

 LFW 

 Yes, we know it’s LFW (lotsa fuckin wankers!!!) LOL! Pretty sick and tired of seeing these shits walking around in Fedoras, creepers, metallic clutches all holding a Nikon d300. Like, we get it, ur ‘stylish’ aka you like to post on your fashion blog about how you love to incorporate a ‘mish mash of high street meets vintage.’ All these folk like to shop in really unknown locations (keep this on the DL) Rokit and Beyond Retro! Don’t really get how a shop can be ‘beyond’ retro unless the item of clothing is ripped off a dead person or something- which is pretty sick n twisted.

 To look legit they may buy some tortoise shell reading glasses and hold a clip board. Models have these really cool things called ‘portfolios’ which just reinstates that they are skinnier and better than u. Remember though kids, Cara loves bacon so keep on eating it !

 Zen 

 Ok ppl give it up well and truly. Just because you wear 10 rings from South America, collect crystals and met a shaman once in your life who’s real name is Dave doesn’t make you ‘zen’. The whole point in adopting a zen lifestyle is to be mindful and treat others with respect, not focus on aesthetics and fucking people off. It’s almost like some weird cult as well, these people claiming to be spiritual because their trust fund got them a couple months away in India rope people into their other weird views and clothes. Like ‘are the stars real? it’s all just icing sugar dust channelling into the third eye’. Come on.

 Then classically these ‘zen’ beings go to Whole Foods and buy everything gluten/vegan in order to feel closer to Ghandi or some bullshit. Once in a while they may tell you a riveting story about how they tripped out with locals in Morocco, who fed them dates and charmed snakes who ate one of their friends (well dats what we fort cos we were high! lol). You’ll either sigh and laugh in their face or you’ll be really intrigued over their spontaneity and depth.

 ANY WAY, IM OUT. hold tight.

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