28 February 2014

lyf in photobooth

When I'm not modelling for storm, hustlin or gettin male attention I sometimes take pictures of myself. Here u go.
so happy wite now i cud skream!!!!

me in past lyf

unleashin my inner tiger. rawr ;)

siamese twins lol!!!!! and cocaine hehe
tbt to when I was a dyke
squat rave wid da boi dem..x
oops!!!! u cawt me puttin on sum lip tint!
found sum1 who loves me da way i am..x
jus took sum lsd n this is how i feel
thumbs up if u lyk my top..lol
starin contest with dis here red line..lol x
kiss mE uNda Da MistlEtOe
jus went 2 l.A and met an unknown artist called Tyler dA Kreata!!!!

23 February 2014

I dunno Dawg

Dudes 101

As you all know, I'm an international playboy, dik magnet, heart throb etc. However, sometimes even I get confused with men. After reading some article about guys I thought I should write a piece. Lol. It's random, but jus keepin it real.

1. 'Playing it Cool'

Ok so it has been brainwashed into us that 'playing it cool/aloof/mysterious' is a turn on. I mean, you don't want to come off too strong right? The problem is, most of us aren't Zooey Deschanel from 500 days of summer, or R Gos in Drive, so it's a bit pathetic. Nowadays, both guy n gurl are playing it cool when they are interested, so you're fucked. Deep down you want to scream ' I luv u like a love song bby" but instead you avoid contact and talk to their friend. I guess some do this (I don't of course hehe) because they're scared of rejection, or have watched too many rom coms. Unless one or the other (boy or girl) is overtly talkative, or less casual then the other, the result is anti climatic. You just remain too people two pussy to do anything. FYI most indie guys will try this whole cool front, whereas da lads are another extreme 'ur a well hot bird n dat, !!'. As I've said before I usually stick to sarcasm or insults. l o l ;). Maybe it would be easier 2 fall in love if people were honest and stuff. Ya feel

2.) the first d8

I don't know about guys, but for girls, it's pretty much the same bullshit before the date. You're probably gonna mix some vodka w coke in an Evian bottle for the journey, think of topics to talk about like da football or porn or some moronic dog shit, the text your gal friend like 'omg hart racig soooooo fast lol a bit drunk!'. Then you'll get to, probably a pub, he mAY buy you a drink if you're lucky, you'll talk about your interests and whatever, and then leave. Or maybe if you're on it, go back to his. The thing I don't like about all this is that, you're not yourself. You both are nervous, so project more awkward versions of yourselves. So you go away thinking 'why did I do that ?' Etc etc when to be honest it's just the pressure and the nerves. It's easier when you're friends first, because obviously the pressure load is off. I'm legit over dates, as I'm usually bored after twenty minutes.

3.) da lookz

Let me quickly break dis 1 down :-

-smelling nice is good

-stunning looks are so 5 mins ago. Most Amazing looking guys are either stupid, gay or both.

-ugg boots are vile on men. Like seriously

-consult us b4 u cut your hair

- checking yourself in thhe mirror is gross

-farting is lol !

A doggy dog dog xxx

17 February 2014

Hot or Not 2014

I do this most years, but I'm writing an up to date yes or no, shit or fit hehe list of things that everyone should know! thanx

1.) 'Feelin' Myself' by Will I AM feat. Miley

'people livin like they got no mamma' o awks...
It's ok to like 'Feelin' Myself' by Will I AM feat. Miley and god knows who else. It's also ok to listen to this while you walk to Uni. It probably isn't ok to laugh at the lyric 'She gave IQ, that means she give me heaaad' but I do. Because let's face it, Will I. Am is gay.

2.) Top knots.

lol at this montage 
Top knots are well and truly over. I occasionally wear a tight bun to hide some grease/ feel like a new born dog who sees the world for the first time ( ya get me?), but on dudes it's just embarrassing. Pony tails are bless, but those fucking Proudlock try hards with this knot make me want to puke. Listen to some more 1975 and go on Tinder.

7.) Neck Nomination

leave it to this lil darlin to drink it 4 U XX
'Fukkkkkk m8 banter I just drank 14 shots wiv like fish and egg in it, but like maybe my Uncle's m8 will like it on fb!' Like honestly this shit is so moronic.. I don't get the point?! It's as if as soon as something is 'trending' people seem to do it. It's makes you look more like a pussy for doing it, U don't have nothin to proove. I love how the people filming or in the kitchen of the person are all 'heheheheheh!!!!' or 'oooooo shit!!' it's so embarrassing. Then a slurred 'I nominate Sarah!' Fukk Saz u better down dat WKD odawise ur Mum's gunna die in 3 days!!! It's as stupid as the gay chain mails you got when you were 12 saying if didn't forward it something bad would happen to you. Stop. bye.

3.) Men in trench coats

drippin w steez minus the shoes . ew
When I think of trench coats I usually think of some Chinese guy holding a 'Models 1' portfolio, but recently guys are looking sharp in them. What men/boys don't get, is often looking simple is the best. So a nice turtlenek w some jeans, a belt and trench is guaranteed to get you laid.

4.) LA Skaters

look at dem lox
So a great fwend of mine and I are obsessed with skaters. Omg cool right!? Yes it sounds lame and frankly it is. We spend are Saturday nights watching skate videos. We can actually quote the dialogue in them. My playlist on Itunes may or not revolve around the songs featured in the videos. The thing is, half these skaters look like models, so to be honest YOLO. I may or may not have half these shits on Snapchat, and have bought half of their Sponsor's clothes. The only day I thought I should get sponsored, so I got my 3.99 Asda skateboard, put on my helmet and shin pads, and my Mum and I watched a 'How to Ollie' video on youtube. Let's just say the instructor Tony Hawk let me down. I nearly broke my arm. Some may say this is the easiest trick to learn but I think they're lying. I now have booked lessons to be taught amongst 12 year olds at a skate park. Vans if ur out there, my number is . hit me up ;)

5.) Dertbag

Right so now that Huf and shit are boring me to the death, and I keep seeing short dudes with ginger beards wearing their 5-Panels I've decided to move on. Dertbag is a cool brand from LA, whose creator  is friends with Odd Future or something. It's really simple and casual so thank me when it's all da rage. Got ma jumper the other day is really comfy n shit.

6.) People.

They are so annoying. Big up the dogs and otterz in this planet. Peace up, 8 town

7 February 2014

Birthday Rash


It has been a shit week NGL. I was feeling fruity n fresh, and wanted to crank this up by buying some new shit at Lush. The chick in there was being too attentive, if that's even a thing, again probably because she thought I was a dyke (standard). Whatever so I bought some peppermint face mask and toner, feeling like Pitbull in this place. I lit some candles the next day and put the mask on, anticipating to look like myself 5 years ago. Hehe. Next day I'm at Nina's house and I looked flushed. I assumed this was just me getting flustered. I declined the offer to go out, instead to cry on the bus home for looking so ugly. When I got  home, this redness was still there. Bottom line, I now have some vile rash on my face. The doctor was all 'that's weird', so as a result I'm poppin pills like Miley and creaming my face. Love my lyf.

I thought I'd write about my birthday which was like 2 weeks ago.

We started off going go karting. I was adamant we should go, because I love doing shit like this. After going with nine year olds in France I thought I was Louis Hamilton or something.

We got there and there's a sign like 'risk of death'. Sick. I started having a panic attack in disabled toilets. We were  the only gurlz up in this place, biG uP. After getting suited up we were 'briefed' aka shown some WW1 propaganda style video. Awks. This joker called out all the groups name:

"Johnson's, you here?"

"Here", some tween boys replied.


"Wheeeyyyy" some Made in Chelsea extra, Bastille listening idiots replied sitting behind us.

"And you lot over dere (us)... Yeah"

I thought I'd cause a stir over this casual sexism with a 'boooooo!!!'. Hehehe.

So they tell us if you are reckless on the karts you get a black flag FYI.

 We start racing, and I can't breath, I keep cranking my accelerator up too high, and then I see Nina in front of me who is going at some snailz pace. To calm be down I keep singing 'Gas Pedal' to myself. I see a flash of a black flag and she disappears. Fuk. We have a break and Nina says she was removed because of 'reckless driving'. Hahahah. Fast n furious. After two more rounds, and in Nina's case, two more black flags and a huge black bruise, we left, feeling battered but adwenaline fuelled!!!

Then we roll over to Planet Hollywood (lol) for some good old American fun. It's some mosh pit with Spanish tourists singing their hearts out to Taio Cruz. Christ. The food was decent. I didn't know where to go out, just knew I wanted to get out of Central London. Like normal people, we put options on our napkins and put them in a wine glass. I had written the standard bullshit: Fire, Lightbox, Brixton, Bussey.. I had chosen Fire. Turns out I'd forgotten my ID. Yep. The bouncers, despite the none existent queue, won't let us in.

I stormed off, wiping dem tearz away, picturing me at home eating ice cream listening to Taylor Swift. Ella suggests Bussey (surprise surprise) and I thought yolo. Btw, I was going for drug dealer chic that night. I was wearing some baggy white top with 'Bloomies' written on it, black hot pants with tights, heels and some huge fur coat which was floor length. I felt uncomfortable. We spend the bday countdown in a Wetherspoons in Peckham. What more cud a gurl want?!

Outside Bussey, Ella bumped into her friends.

One guy said he was doing carpentry. Then I hear "wot like Jesus mate?!" From Nina. #socialbutterflies. Then he said to his friend "yeah we're going Ham!!', which Neenz replied again to with "heheh yeah man ham n cheese!!,'. He looked so smug "ah mate she doesn't know what going ham means!,"

"I do mate. Go ham with your mum."

Without speaking another word, we go to Bussey, which was classic fun. People remarked that my dancing was disturbing which was a nice boost, and I bullied some kid from Oxford who looked like Gok Wan.

If it's ur bday u get high if u want 2..... X