22 January 2014

Going out in London : SUX

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! $$$$$$$$$$$$

London: the city of dreamz, culture, whatever. Not gonna lie, I'm getting bored of U m8. I never really could picture myself living anywhere else than here, labelling myself a ldn gal, citi slicka.. u get the point. The thought of going to Uni in a rural place makes me feel like throwing up. Who would want their hotspot to be Zizzi or PUSHING it Costa Coffee? The irony being, now that I live in South, my local joynt is a run down Falafel shop or maybe the buzzin' self-titled 'Beyonce' hair salon. At least, I could boast this place has 'character' and 'un pretentious charm', like some middle aged reporter from the Telegraph.

I now am reassessing staying in London next year. There are a number of reasons, but actually I'm getting fed up of the night life.

You basically have 3 places to go:

1.) The 'hip' bar:

We're talking 'Ping', 'Dirty Martini', 'Doodle Bar'. I have been to these places quite a bit, and now am getting sick of them. This weekend I went to Ping bak2bak (fri/sat), don't judge me. I was wearing the same outfit as well, because I wanted to create that whole 'just got bak frm my boyfs house and didnt have nufin 2 wear' vibe. The place was filled with mid twenty something, River Island wearing fux who either looked like they were on some twisted idea of a hen nite or thirsty for some D, all anxiously patting their 'peplums' and clutching their fake jewelled clutches sipping their 'girly' cocktails. Eugh.

I, on the other hand, am inelegantly holding a Diet Coke which I paid 3 POUNDS for, trying to dance. There is no space. I then tried to scout sum eye candi, however, there weren't any decent guys around the place. There were some blatant UCL foreign students with braces on, taking Blackberry videos of themselves singing to 'Beauty and a Beat' and crackin up. The others all looked like ugly Spencer Matthew try-hards who probably are either personal trainers or professional slobs heheheeheheeh. I had to leave after ten minutes because I was so rawly let down. Sowwi Ping :( ur reign is ova babe.

2.) SkAnK Da NiTe AwAy

I love 2 dance. I love 2 feel the music.  Apparently I have 'signature moves'... which I'm taking as a solid compliment. Since paying for a night out is a gamble I normally like to make sure a good DJ is playing ie : Boddika, Happa, D GUETTA (lol jus kiddin ;) ), etc etc. Unfortunately, along with this list comes a fucking huge queue at places like XOYO, The Egg, Warehouse, Area, Fire, whatever. The worst people are in the queue. Latymer students who have just discovered the tot@l twippiness of MDMA who maybe will wear some bright leggings cos they're raverz, chavs/indies in bucket hats and those fucks who wear disco pants, painted on eyebrows and bindis. Like, really?

These places were cooler and less ass hole infested when I was 16/17. RiP dEm DaYz. If and when you get inside, it's so much of a fucking moshpit that unless you are completed fucked you can't appreciate anything because you can't dance. So in essence you've wasted like £15-30. sik m8.

3.) Cirque des fuck down

HAHAAHAHAAHAHA I'm still laughing at that. Right so then you get the really 'exclusive' London clubs that are filled with rich Arabs and Russians. I haven't been to many, and I do want to go to Cirque Du Soire or whatever. The thought of getting turned down from 'Whisky Mist' for not wearing heels and looking like a slut does make me feel ill though. Shout out to the following for being dogSHIT:
Tonteria, Aura, Tiger Tiger and DSTRKT. Fair enough if you enjoy it, it's not my thing. I like looking at the professional pictures of Grey Goose and sparklers tho so keep em coming. ;)

4: My faVoUriTe PlAce:

Shout the fuk out to BUSSEY BUILDING, for never letting me down. This place is so fun and yeah lurv it. U gO Bussey u go!!!


8 January 2014

I'm with the band : Part 1

 So I went on a date with this guy a lot older than me. I found out he worked for a record label so I thought this boosted my image. I find some older people quite boring as they take themselves too seriously. We arranged a second date and my friend Ophelia came too, lolz, as I thought he was with friends.

He wasn't. 

I'm dressed 2 kill : pyjama bottoms and a blue tshirt. Not gonna lie I was anxious that this would make me look too sexy or slutty but yolo. He bought us drinks and I started to get drunk, making jokes that sounded good in my head. He didn't really laugh which pissed me off- I mean, mood killer or what? He was in a white turtle neck and looked a bit like a turtle himself; extremely timid and calm. He had previously told me he was 'intimidated by me.' Jesus, man the fuck up yo. I went outside to smoke with O and I remember him saying his friend knew Harry Styles. Obv I was going to subtly bring this up. I go in screaming Best Song Ever (smooth), and asked him if he saw the One Direction film. Then I casually progressed to ask if he knew Hazz, and he said no. The emotions I felt were intense: devastated, weak, betrayed...heartbroken. At the point I was tempted to leave.
Here's Swim Deep. Da 1 to the left is da 1 who was dere.

O leaves and I'm left with him, too drunk to know what I'm really doing. He says he's meeting his friend from Swim Deep (one of my favourite bandz) and his best friend from Spector. Knowing I'm obsessed with them he told me to act as if I didn't know who they were. Da fuk? Anyone who knows me knows I'm an aspiring roadie. We get there and I've forgotten my I,D. It's some sleazy looking bar in Shoreditch. The bodyguard asks me when my birthday is and I say January 26th 1997. This would make me 16. I didn't know how to redeem this situation : going home crying or singing jamie foxx's 'blame it on the alcohol' seemed like tempting options. We finally get in and both the guys from bands are sitting there. The irony here is I've met them both when I've got shit signed by them. 

The Swim Deep guy was in a red velvet tshirt and had peroxide blonde hair cut in a bob. I've actually fancied him for a while. AWKS. He was so funny, and I definitely felt sum connectionz. LOL. He mentioned being on tour. At this point I threw my drink down in shock and said 'omg ur in a band?!'. He said he was in Swim Deep and I was all 'I think I've heard of you,,yeah sick.'Then I met more of his friends. They asked me how art school is and I said 'lol good but most people have those lame ass top knots on'. I thought this statement was blunt/edgy. I looked opposite me and one of his matez at the table was wearing a top knot. 'Nah like I ment..dose top knots with pink and purple in them. Never change I love your HAiR!!!!!' 

We then shared a fish bowl and I went to the toilet and had a panic attack.

I haven't seen any of these people again. XOXO