R8 da D8

A while ago I went on a date with this guy who went to Goldsmiths. I thought the whole 'older guy' vibe was exciting but I was only to find out that older guys generally are boring. Sorry y'all.

So my friend and I met this dude and his friend at a pub in Hammersmith. He bought us a drink but I thought it might be spiked so I didn't drink it. Thinking about it now I must've looked like a Cub Scout who baits out underage people at bars. Lol. So I think this was my first date (kinda a big deal), and I was really nervous. As girls do I was all 'what do we talk about, da football?' 'If u were a guy wud u fink I was hot???!'

To start the ball rolling I asked the casual question of 'so..what are your passions?' He looked confused and said 'That's a weird question. I don't know..what are yours?'. Sounding cool n nonchalant I said 'BOWLiNG!!!!!'. I don't know what was running through my head, but at the time it sounded cool. I still now have to remind myself that I am not in The Big Lebowski, even if I was practically a loyalty customer at Park Royal's Super Bowl. Anyway, the guy seem intrigued and questioned me about this fiery 'passion'. I was so nervous. I looked to my friend opposite for a life line but she was deep in convo with this guy's friend about scuba diving with sharks. Interesting. I knew I had to fess up and tell this guy it was a jk! Hehehe.

 'Yeah I'm a professional bowler here. My grandma in America has a world renowned team so when I visit her she gets papped. Sometimes she calls them on herself for banter.' So maybe I didn't tell him it was a joke but my mind was telling me 'y0lo'. This idiot seemed to actually be buying this bullshit story, so asked me to show my technique with an ice cube. I bowled the ice cube smugly and it landed on his friend's face. I said I was just being modest because envy is inevitable around celebrities like me (shout out 2 my boi Bieber).

He seemed high as he was looking around the room really weirdly. Maybe he was trying to look like a 'day dreama'. Looking back now he was probably wanting to shoot himself. It was getting super late, almost 11 pm (fukkkk) when my friend calledme asking where I am. I crawl out of the pub, feeling lyk Cinderella! Apart from I wasn't wearing a glass slippa lol!! Next thing I knew he was in his car outside.

'Like A G6' was blaring out of the car. I started to duck down to not be seen as he started mouthing 'poppIn bottlez in the ice in the ice.' Jesus Christ. Really? I asked for some 'grime' so we would look sik driving past Acton. 'Obviously, hopefully you've heard of this grime artist.'
I ask to TurN da muSic up, expecting it to be some bada$$ shit (trill trill swag lol).

I heard the song play and start to cry. 'You knw what it is, Black n Yellow, Black N Yellow.' I felt like I was driving back from Capital VIP or a I'm -w@ved -off-Fanta year 7 school disco. I wasn't, though. This was just the beginning of the cool events that were about to unfold in my fl0ur3scent @dolesc3nt!!! Har har.

Annz dawgy


  1. youre a tad strange

  2. cant understand your typing...

  3. I know right? And my typing is 2014 so you must b stuk in tha past baby x


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