10 November 2013

Name your poyson

Social etiquette is a funny thing nowadays. 'Get that for me' , 'hold this' are things I am commanded to do by people as if I'm a fuggin ass hole servant. Of course I don't want to sound like a parent 'Whuts tha magic werd don't think I herd it!??', begging for a simple 'please'. I kinda give a wounded look (classic), shrug by shoulders and sigh. Then I give them what they wanted.

Chivalry fits under this category. Let's get this clear : men buy women drinks. If you don't have money, get a job. Better yet, get out the pub. 'Dat rule is lame cos like men and women are equal'- this pointless argument can be thrown around as many times as it wants, but nothing will change.
      Once I was at a pub with a guy who looked like a mix between a dyke and a blue peter presenter. Sweet combo right? He had long eyelashes which made me think of a camel. I had to refrain from making a poor joke like 'do dem lashes protect u from the sand dunes?' Or 'da black eyed peas song 'my humps' must've been written bout u!!!' Moving on, we went into the pub and I clearly expected a drink. Instead he says 'you don't expect me to buy you a drink do you?' At that point I got the lemon I packed in my rucksack and ordered myself a tequila shot. It was 4:30pm.

On holiday when I was in France with my palz we were at this club full of the most eligible bachelors around, I.e they were mentally ill, toothless or underage. $$$
We're sitting outside, trying to get the sound of Pitbull out our heads for two minutes when a complete hunk of meat comes along with his 'crew'. Were they a modern T-bird crew from Grease? 100% percent. The leader had no front teeth and was in Ed hardy, the joker to his left was holding a bottle of Evian with what looked like piss in it, and the other one was bald with sweat patches. It was exactly how I pictured love at first sight to look like. He opened his mouth and said to me 'you look..how you say..
...ugly.'

I went inside and suddenly PitBull didn't seem so bad any more.

Remember ur manners y'all,
Annz

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