How to be socially awkward


I am a professional at naturally being socially 'unacceptable'. Here's a quick guide to milk your awks-ness to the full potential at parties (mostsly)! ENJOY

1.) Laugh at your jokes

Yes, that's right, even if nobody is laughing (which is common), you laugh at yourself and mutter 'I find MYSELF funny, guys,'. Jokes also should be poor- 'what did da brokoli say 2 da carrot'? 'stop STALKing me!!!!!!! teehehehehe'. People will feel uncomfortable/physically sick, and probably disperse or start sweating.

2.) Toilet training @ Parties

Whilst at a party, don't talk to people. Socializing is sooo ten yearz ago babes. Enter the room, go bright red, ask someone where the loo is, and sit there for a while. Go back downstairs, down some vodkah, and go back to the toilet. If I were you I'd do a nice shit, which can be one of the most joyous, pleasurable things in life I find. #realtalk. Come out the toilet and shout 'aw fuk yeah whoeva did that shit in da twalet IS TERRIBLE!!! HEHEHE'.


3.) Ipod change

Espesh if the party is mostly filled with 'hardkore i wuv dubstep' shits or 'let's do the air guitar seriously, dancing to morrissey' type of people this is PERFECT. Whilst they are jamming out to music, change the music. NO, don't change it to a good song, change it to my personal fave 'She's So Lovely' by Scouting For Girls. ROK IT UP

4.) Bully

Chose a victim and hurl abuse at them. When they're on the toilet, kick the door down. Yes, you need to cause M@YH3M, RI0TZ, FIR3. 'M8 m8 yh this absolute fux been chatttin shit bout ur mum innit', is the key line you need to spill to everyone at the party. TRY not to get physically abusive people.

XXXXX

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