Pampered Pooch

This week I've only seen Olivia. And Poppy, for like one day. Otherwise, just Olivia. My other friends, are on holiday, well the ones I mostly see anyways.

Olivia and I have been going out, leaving the nest, i.e trying to stay clear of Ealing Broadway since we seem to find ourselves in that gloomy shit hole for one reason or another, wasting our money on MacDonalds or a stale Starbz cookie. Last week I was in this whole "CARPE DIEM" frame of mind, but this week it's a little more relaxing. It's been nice.

Lucy's dog, Charlie, is being babysat by her granny at the moment so Olivia and I have been seeing him 24/7. He hates us. We've been practically force feeding him food as chubby dogz are cuter, and we even dropped him in the backseat of a convertable on our road, on the car boot, and on my skateboard. He lives the high life. The spoilt shit now refuses to eat his dried food since he's been used since Lucy's gone to eating burgers and toast.

We've developed a sad habit, where we bitch about Charlie all the time. When anyone says he's cute, we say "ewwww. you don't know him like we do." And we go off on some rant, telling this poor passer byer about his wind problems and how he savages us when we try and lift his plump body. Charlie is a gay dog, and every time he's sees our pal Hewey, he gets hard and is besotted by him. Olivia and I are totally envious, but Hewey tries to play hard to get. To top it off, we even made the dog twitter.
Since the money doesn't come into our bank accountz often, Olivia and I thought it'd be a good idea to start a dog walking service around the area. So we made flyers. We walked to the local Italian. "Can we put this flyer in your window?" we asked the owner, who obv thinks he's some playa outta The Sopranos. "uhhh....wait a minute", he replies, and runs into the kitchen. He reappears, "What did you want?". Olivia all of a sudden shouts "DO YOU HAVE A DOG??" he says yes and we throw our ugly, microsoft word flyer at him and run out.
Nobody has rung us in response to the flyer. I wonder why...



Popular Posts